Why In The World Am I Doing This? – Bible Journey Day 0

Bible Journey – Day 0 – 1 Sept 2009

I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For

Why in the world am I doing this?

I was driving into town this morning, radio on in the background, wrestling with that very question. This project is not going to be easy. I don’t think I’ve ever stuck with ANYTHING for an entire year. Why am I committing, out loud, in front of people who will hold me to my word, to reading the whole Bible and writing about it every day???

  • I know that daily Bible reading is an important part of the lives of all my modern spiritual heroes.
  • I want to become a better writer, and Uncle Stevie says that the best way to become a better writer is to read a lot and write a lot.
  • I want to share something special with my Gentle Readers.

All these ideas bounced around in my head, but they didn’t scratch the itch, y’know? Then I stopped working at it so hard, and just tried to percolate for a while. The next song on the radio nearly stopped me in my tracks. Not because I’d never heard it before, but because it perfectly answered my question. Why in the world am I doing this?

I have climbed highest mountains

I have run through the fields

Only to be with you

Only to be with you

I have run, I have crawled

I have scaled these city walls

Only to be with you

But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for

I have kissed honey lips

Felt the healing in her fingertips

It burned like fire

This burning desire

I have spoke with the tongues of angels

I have held the hand of a devil

It was warm in the night,

But I was cold as a stone

I still haven’t found what I’m looking for

I believe in the Kingdom Come

Then all the colors will bleed into one

But yes I’m still running

You broke the bonds

You loosed the chains

You carried the cross and my shame

You know I believe it

But I still haven’t found what I’m looking for

–        lyrics by Bono

Gang, I’m desperate here. I’ve got so many things going on – my marriage, school @NationsU, teaching Bible class, writing curriculum lessons, counseling, coaching Bible Bowl for Lads to Leaders, and trying to participate in the battle for the kingdom of God. I cannot make it without some discipline, and without the power of the Holy Spirit, the Breath of the Living God. Why am I doing this?

Because I’m desperate for authentic connection with the Living God, and although I was baptized in 1994, and started taking Jesus really seriously in 2001, I still haven’t found what I’m looking for. Maybe you can help me this year. I know I’ll need it.

In HIS love,



About Nick Gill

orphan-poet-adoptee-soldier-prodigal-servant-husband- counselor-desperate seeker after my Father's face "I feel my body weakened by the years as people turn to gods of cruel design. Is it that they fear the pain of death, or is it that they fear the joy of life?" - Toad the Wet Sprocket

Posted on 2 September, 2009, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. That resonates with me… Praying with you on your/my journey.

  2. In order to find something, first you must know what it is. So the first step is to name it, list out its characteristics and then think. Believe you will find it. Do not go so far “out there” to find it. Write. Read. Think. Know. Believe. Pray. Do not get discouraged. The best part is the journey there.

  3. Nick – please take this as it’s meant, from a brother who loves you – but I think you have enough on your plate already. If you want to blog through the Bible daily on top of all that, I’m all for you! But it might be more of a commitment than what you need to make right now.

    • Thank you, Keith. Your pastoral counsel is wise — just because I’m rejecting it doesn’t for a second mean that I don’t hear the wisdom of it.

      What I’m beginning to realize is that this discipline, a prayerful daily diet of Holy Scripture, needs to be at the center of my life. It hasn’t been, and so you see the chaos of good things threatening to swallow me up (what Ruth Haley Barton calls Christian Fatigue Syndrome, or CFS, which is also a popular dish at Chili’s — Country Fried Steak — AUGH — get back to the point!).

      So I’m kind of at a standoff — while it looks like it might be the straw that will break the camel, I believe it will end up being the foundation that keeps the house upright in the tremors.

      My blogging will be rather scattered since I don’t have internet at home right now, but I am reading and writing each day. I just haven’t gotten ahead enough to be able to publish every day. Oh, the joys of farm life!

  1. Pingback: Journeying, Mentoring, Partnering! « Fumbling Towards Eternity

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