Longing

As a deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God.
My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When shall I come and appear before God?
My tears have been my food day and night, while they say to me all the day long,
“Where is your God?”
These things I remember, as I pour out my soul:
how I would go with the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God
with glad shouts and songs of praise, a multitude keeping festival.
Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me?
Hope in God; for I shall again praise him, my salvation and my God.
My soul is cast down within me;
therefore I remember you from the land of Jordan and of Hermon, from Mount Mizar.
Deep calls to deep at the roar of your waterfalls;
all your breakers and your waves have gone over me.
By day the LORD commands his steadfast love,
and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life.
(Psalm 42:1-8 ESV)

“I’m at a point in my life where I realize there has to be something more.”

This sentence, a DREAM for an evangelist, probably sounds really strange coming from a believer in Jesus. But it is true! I’ve enver been greedy or ambitious for power, although my little dissatisfactions with what I have and my frustration with the status quo might bely such blanket statements. Suffice it to say that it isn’t because of oversatiation or disenchantment, this desire for MORE.

I LOVE God!
I LOVE Jesus!
I LOVE God’s Spirit! (That one makes me feel funny to say… maybe we’ll explore that later)

No matter how badly I fail, how I disgust myself with sin, I keep coming back to that three-fold confession. Not as an excuse, not to justify myself, but as this haunting inescapable fact that pulls and gnaws and never lets me alone.

I know there must be more than this pitiful and banal cycle of complacency, sin, and mortification. I want that more, to do more, to be more. But like a teenager with an expensive car I didn’t buy myself, God knows that more will destroy his unprepared and undisciplined child. So I turn to Scripture, to let God train me in godliness. First… to go deeper into this longing… this Augustinian restlessness:

“O God, You have made us only for Yourself, and our hearts are restless until they find their rest in Thee.”

What do you long for?

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About Nick Gill

orphan-poet-adoptee-soldier-prodigal-servant-husband- counselor-desperate seeker after my Father's face "I feel my body weakened by the years as people turn to gods of cruel design. Is it that they fear the pain of death, or is it that they fear the joy of life?" - Toad the Wet Sprocket

Posted on 4 March, 2008, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 10 Comments.

  1. Cheryl Russell

    Hmmmmmmmmm? I guess I long for the day when the Spirit wins more battles than my flesh does. To quote a song from Chris Rice, “Freedom from myself will be the greatest rest I’ve ever known.” Until then, just to trust in His grace and His mercies!

  2. Hey Cheryl,You came by again! I’m tickled!I bet the Spirit wins more battles than you realize.I don’t want so much to be free from myself (for who else can I be if not the self that God made me?) as to truly BE the servant and child of God that I am created to be.Psalm 37 (esp. verses 3-8) is a great meditation for growing in trust and rejoicing.in HIS love,Nick

  3. I long for a successful Ole Miss football team! Sorry, could not resist that one.Good post. To be honest, sometimes I do not even know what I long for-it is then when the Sprit really kicks in- praise God.

  4. WHOO! Danny on Fumbling! Strike up the band! If John’s the King, you must be the Seneschal, the Brain Trust, “the power behind the throne, so to speak.”Can’t say as I blame you there… Ol’ Miss could sure use some help.Too often when I’ve felt that undefined longing, I’ve gone rattling around my little world looking for something to quench it.This time, I am trying just to settle down and keep small amounts of Scripture in the front of my mind as the week progresses, letting Scripture define and shape my longing into something profitable for the kingdom. It is frustratingly ephemeral, though.Like, as soon as I think I’ve got an idea, I snatch at it and it slips through my fingers. I’ve got to learn to remain calm and stop demanding.in HIS love,Nick

  5. I long to be with God and see all these battles ended. Of course that’s the long-term (maybe not!). Short term, I just want to believe more and show more of God’s wisdom. You’ve just stated all this much more eloquently than I ever could.

  6. Dear Gardner,But it is far better for you to be here with us, so I thank God for you.You teach me far more with your simplicity of speech and passion for the lost.I appreciate your brotherly love as I try to submit my life more and more to God’s authority.in HIS love,Nick

  7. Nick,Ps.42 is one of my favorite Psalms of them all. You do see David’s longering for deeper relationship with God. As I sing the song and re-read the Psalm I find myself even longing for a deeper more intmate rleationship with God. Excellent post brother.Keep up the great blogging!In Him,Kinney Mabry

  8. Stoned-Campbell Disciple

    I cannot tell you how I long for shalom. Shalom in my family. I dream of it. I covet it. I pray for it. I beg for it. I thought I had it at one point … and I do have it with God but I long for it experientially as I thought I once did. Perhaps I am selfish … but this is what I long for.

  9. Oh By the way Nick I was not ignoring your post, my answer is my post.

  10. Nick for some reason my first comment did not come through, I ask you to read my post.

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