Ups and Downs of Life Changes

After over 6 years of working full-time at Chili’s, and well over 10 years of fulltime food service work, I have accepted a position with the Kentucky Department for Libraries and Archives. I’m working as a clerk of sorts in the circulation area, doing a lot of different things with the resources we have here at the State Library in Frankfort. After three weeks, I’m still struggling to wrap my head around this change. I’m not a big fan of changes like this. I hate moving. I hate changing jobs. So much of one’s identity and routine is involved with where you live and what you do.

For me, the hardest part about changing jobs is the self-evaluation which inevitably accompanies such a change. Why am I changing? Why am I needing to change at 33? I was raised in a paradigm where you didn’t change jobs every couple of years to make a little more money. At least in Alabama you didn’t. Upward mobility wasn’t a real issue then, and 401k would have sounded more like an odd radio station than a retirement lifeline. Temps and outsourcing had not yet replaced seniority and pensions. So I feel weird entering a new career field at 33. I know I’ve made stupid decisions that have helped place me where I am now.
Am I really growing, or just changing scenery?
Am I chasing Christ, or feathering my own nest?
Am I serving God, or mammon?
Will I ever be a fulltime minister? Should that even be my goal? Has it been my goal at all, or has it just been a way to make myself feel better about who I am?
Would I better serve the kingdom as a writer/teacher/missionary?
Self-evaluation stinks when you’re not very high on yourself to begin with.

The best part is the opportunity for reorientation. Repentance, to use a biblical word that has been overanalyzed, compartmentalized, spiritualized, and thereby defanged. Last night at Holly Hill, we were discussing the events and people surrounding Jesus’ Gethsemane experience. Gregg Stratton did a great job facilitating the discussion, and one of the points that was discussed was Matthew 27:3. Several translations deal with this prickly passage differently, I think because of interpretational fears. I’ve always heard the comparison between Peter and Judas taught as, “They both betrayed Jesus, but Peter repented and Judas did not.” Not so fast, beloved readers. If metamellomai means something negative here (something other than REAL repentance), then how on earth will we understand the question of the two sons in Matthew 21 or Paul’s grief in 2 Cor 7? Simply put, it cannot. Judas changed his mind, but when he went to the wrong people for forgiveness and they shrugged their shoulders at his desperate need (as most of the priesthood had been doing for years), he gave up and killed himself. Interesting, huh?

Anyway, reorientation. That’s where I’m at. Trying to figure out goals and purposes. Trying to get in on what God is doing here in Frankfort.

Thanks for reading!

in HIS love,
Nick

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About Nick Gill

orphan-poet-adoptee-soldier-prodigal-servant-husband- counselor-desperate seeker after my Father's face "I feel my body weakened by the years as people turn to gods of cruel design. Is it that they fear the pain of death, or is it that they fear the joy of life?" - Toad the Wet Sprocket

Posted on 7 June, 2007, in Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink. 5 Comments.

  1. Nick,I believe each and everyone of us should evaluate our lives. We should be changing into everyday into the glory of God. Looking within the heart isn’t an easy thing. Thank you for this post. It is something we must do if we are to be the disciples that Jesus wants us to become and that is like Him because He looks at the heart. Repentence is daily seeking the will of God. Hungering after His righteousness. Thirsting after his likeness. If you and I and others in the Kingdom never stop and aren’t honest with ourselves and evaluate growth, relationship, what needs to be changed, what needs to be thrown away, what needs to be changed then God help us. Excellent post. I believe this is one of the best posts I have read lately. God bless you brother.

  2. Nick,I’m reminded of David’s 139th Psalm. “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” In my life I need the Lord’s help to change.Blessings,

  3. Kinney and Trey,Thank you from the heart for your loving replies. This is not an easy time for me, as God is using this time of change to peel away some illusions, and Satan is trying to manipulate God’s work into something cruel… something malicious…The Jesus Way reminds me of an old maxim about democracy. Someone once said, “Democracy is the worst form of government on earth, except for all the other ones.” By the same token, “Christianity is the hardest lifestyle there is, except for all the other ones.”If we remain steadfast in our pursuit of God’s heart, like David, Jesus’ labor, Paul’s labor, your labor and mine, will not have been in vain.in HIS love,Nick

  4. Nice site. May God bless you on your journey

  5. I followed Pistol Pete’s blog to find yours. I agree with what he said too.Is there any way I can subscribe to this blog?

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